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  • Writer's pictureMeghan G.E. Shamburger

Sex Esteem and orgasms

It's 2019 and women are still struggling to reach the orgasm that they deserve during sexual encounters. A recent study asked women why they felt they were unable to climax and the responses were astounding! Women responded by saying, " They just figured they never could climax" or " That they did not want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them." Let me be the first to tell you sis that you can climax and that you do have the right to speak up during sex for yourself.

This shyness or inability to express your desires can be connected to how you feel about yourself sexually or your sex esteem. Sex esteem is a term coined by Sari Cooper to describe the confidence that a person has about their bodies and their sexuality. It is also connected to your sexual IQ in regards to yourself. Your sex esteem and sexual confidence is not about how good you are in bed or how many partners you have had. Instead it is about knowing you are desirable, knowing your desires, and not being afraid to express it!

If you like to be spanked then honor that and if you prefer extended foreplay then make sure your partner slows down for you. An individual should be able to confidently tell their partner what they like and what they do not like. The big kicker here though is that you first have to know what you like! When was the last time you explored yourself and found your own spots before being with your partner? For some people that may be too much and in that case I would encourage you to explore with your partner openly and confidently so that you can learn your body and your arousal points better!

For a long time women were seen as tools for a man's pleasure but that time has passed! It is now time to embrace who you are and explore the sexual sides of yourself beyond the soccer mom, the teacher, or the pastor's wife. Sexuality is a passionate and fulfilling journey that can lead to deeper levels of connection and overall life satisfaction. It is not something to be afraid of but something to be embraced, explored, and discovered.

Looking for a few ways to boost your sex-esteem? Try the following things:

- Prolonged Foreplay

- Masturbation, how can you tell someone what you like if you do not know for yourself?

-Pick up a book on sex!

- Talk about what you want with your partner in a safe setting

- Be up front about what you need

- Initiate sex with your partner! It is empowering to make an attempt and realize that person wants you just as bad as you want them.

-Go to bed naked and maybe take some time to pamper and adore your body as you prepare for bed.

- Play sexy music that you like and wear what makes you feel sexy even if no one will see it but you!

- Visualize yourself as being a sexy woman, not cute or adorable , sexy!

- Focus on how you feel during the act and try not to overthink it. Performance anxiety is real but try to enjoy the connection and be vocal with your partner.

- BE PRESENT- the world is so busy and our to do list are so long but in this moment push it all aside and just be here with your partner.

For the men reading this post try to remember that sex is not a one player game. Your partner deserves a climax too but may be too shy to share with you what she is thinking or wants. I encourage you to ask her or set a night where the whole night is catered to aiding her in developing a blueprint of her body. Spend a night truly indulging in all that she is and watch her bloom for you!

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